Heads or Tails?

If only every decision could be made with the flip of a coin. If life and our everyday decisions didn't have such significant repercussions on our well being, the coin would be my "go to" resource - well that and the magic eight ball.

The scan... The results of the ct scan were okay, there was minimal growth. One already existing tumor in the liver grew two millimeters and one diameter, but there were no other changes. Prior to yesterdays appointment, I had planned on beginning chemo, again, on Friday; however, because of the "minimal" growth, another option was presented to us. Dr. H feels that although the tumors are in fact growing, the rate of growth doesn't give us an urgency to return to chemo. I can tell you that this is not a decision that we're taking lightly.

We spent a lot of time asking questions, going through the pros and cons of both restarting and waiting, and I'm still not sure I have a definite answer. There are many, many factors that go into this decision, but the balance between treatment and quality of life is always the most important. The goal of my treatments is to keep the cancer under control, which does sometimes mean to allow some growth prior to treating. There is no treatment (yet discovered) that can completely get rid my thymic carcinoma; therefore, controlling it for the longest possible time while I can enjoy the life I have left is what we strive to do. I do not have ailing symptoms of cancer to prevent me from living, which is one reason Dr. H suggests to hold off on chemo a bit longer. I will continue to receive ct scans every six to eight weeks and again, based on the rate of growth, decide when to start chemo. Waiting a bit longer also allows more time to pass before using our next "tool of defense", the more frequent I have treatments, the faster I use up the chemos that might give me the best shot of keeping it under control.

So, what's the big decision you ask? That would be the other half to this puzzle called life, my conscience and emotions. It feels almost irresponsible to know that something is trying to overtake my body and that I'm choosing to do nothing about it. My brain understands the benefits of putting off chemo, but my (philosophical) heart can't grasp the concept of sitting back and not taking control. As of this moment, my guess is that we will put off treatment, rescan in July and then reconsider our options at that time. The only reason that I would start sooner was if I couldn't relax and enjoy my "time off" because I was too worried that I should be on treatment; and if that is the case, I can pick up the phone at any time and start treatment the next day. My doctor and nurse assure me that they are on board with whichever treatment plan that we are comfortable with.

After meeting with Dr. H we headed to the treatment center to have the port flushed and to draw blood. Maybe it was positioning, maybe it's that I didn't drink enough water yesterday, or maybe my body was telling me that it wasn't ready to be abused again yet; but whatever the reason, the port was being terribly finicky. Unlike anytime before my nurse was having an awful time getting the port to flush smoothly and drawing (3 viles) blood from it. After a great deal of time, and some soreness, the blood was drawn, port was flushed and we were out of there, with a mind full of pros, cons, and decisions to make.

There are no scheduled appointments at this time, but assuming we postpone chemo, our next trip into BI shouldn't be until July.