The Final Post

Colleen started this blog back on March 2009 in which time I never thought I was going to have to close it out. Fighting for a solid 5 years with strength and determination people could only wish to have within themselves. She always tried to put a positive spin on things regardless of the situations. She had ups and downs but never gave up always saying “if this doesn’t work we will find something else because I’m not giving up not now not ever”. First off I would like to share my words at the funeral to her:

Memorial Words, January 29, 2014

I would like to start off by thanking everyone for coming here today to honor the life of Colleen.

She was kind, smart, loving, gentle, compassionate and pretty much the strongest woman I have ever known. She was everything to me, and I already miss her terribly. I was honored to be her husband for the past six years and I know she knew that I loved her, but I wanted to take this opportunity to express to all of you how much I loved her.

She was beautiful both inside and out, and when she smiled at me I felt alive. I was truly blessed to have a wife who loved me and that I loved so much. I don’t know how I am going to make it without her, but I know she showed me daily to be strong and to deal with it. I know that everyone here respected and loved her and was greatly inspired by her as much as I was.

I think that she is still here with all of us. She would do anything for her family and friends. You were everything to her. We all loved her dearly and there is a great deal of loss felt within those of us gathered today. My Colleen was strong until the end never losing her faith, even on some of the most painful days. I have lost my wife and best friend, and most of all my everything.

A life lesson that Colleen has shared to all but also embedded into my heart is clearly expressed in this quote:

“Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.”

The last thing I would like to do is thank EVERY SINGLE PERSON from the bottom of my heart that Thought of Colleen, Prayed for Colleen, Made Colleen Smile and lastly made her Happy with TRUE FRIENDSHIP and LOVE. You may have not known it but she lived her life to the fullest because of ALL OF YOU and her love of family and friends.

Thank you again J

1/23/14 – 1/31/14

1/23/14 well the news didn’t get better as hoped. Colleen’s white blood count didn’t get any better but worse with other functions following suit. So we had had another sit down meeting with the team of doctors and we all decided that it would be the appropriate time to go home would be on Friday. We came to this decision mainly because it was Colleen’s wish NOT to be on machines or in the ICU and because it would have been the only next step the hospital could do. Even with this news Colleen and I said well if we go home she still has a chance to improve, which the doctors did not disagree.

1/24/14 so after a long morning of discharge and getting a few more medications we headed home from the hospital. When we got home the house was spotless and the room that was the office was prepared for it to be turned into a hospital type room all because my Sister Julie and my Brother Don. As Colleen came into the house she said  “it’s so clean” with a big smile on her face. So for this and many other things I will be always grateful for my Sister and Brother. Colleen showered, got re-bandaged, and took all her medications. In the meantime the Hospice nurse came to register etc. and all the equipment arrived and set up. My mom came and made sure the room felt like home and not the hospital with fresh comfy sheets, which again brought a smile to Colleen’s face. Again I will always be grateful to my mom for this.

1/25/14 I checked on Colleen throughout the night. She was fine; I received her normal smile and look to leave her alone and for me to get some sleep.  Well at around 8:30 am I was going to check on her and give her medications and I heard some gurgling noise. To keep this part short I ended up calling 911 and she was brought to the Lowell Saints Hospital. We got there I told them she did not want to be on machines etc. and all I want them to do is make sure she is stable and not in pain. They did this and got her home. For the rest of the afternoon into night Colleen was not responsive but did open her eyes a few times. She laid in comfort and painless until holding my hand she took her last breath at 7:50 at home surrounded by family “not staring at her” which she wanted.

1/28/14 & 1/29/14 Wake And Funeral

http://www.currentobituary.com/Memory.aspx?Memory_ObitdID=136474

The turnout of so many friends and family was overwhelming but not surprising because Colleen was an inspiration to all. I need to and will thank many people but for now I would like to thank a few people; Breens Funeral home (Charlie Breen), Saint Patrick’s Church, Father Paul, Monsignor (Father) Carlson, and Claddagh Pub (Brian J Farrell) for making a beautiful wake, Funeral, and Mercy Meal.

1/17/14-1/22/14

1/17/14

Went to Dana Faber for a follow up from 1/10-1/14 admittance and last 1/15 appointment. When the doctor examined colleen it appeared that she had some signs of mentally and physical complications and possible internal bleeding in the head and/or the chest. This brought a major concern to the Doctor in which he didn’t want to take any chances and rushed her to the Brigham and Women’s ER. After getting a CAT scan, Chest X-Ray and Blood test, the results showed no internal bleeding but it did show the kidney functions and Platelets were dangerously low. In addition the white blood cell count still haven’t approved. As a result she was readmitted mainly to get Platelets and to fix the kidney.

1/18/14 – 1/20/14

The next three days were spent to improve the kidneys and as much the other side effects as they could. It was determined that some pain meds were staying in her system because of the low kidney functions it was making her over sleep and unclear. Thankfully as the kidney function improved the mental status greatly.

1/21/14

Morning blood work showed a major drop in the white blood cells. In Addition there were some skin irritation and low electrolytes. The main concern is that the white blood cells are not improving. Colleen continues to deal with pain, stomach issues and constant nausea.

The Plan as of 1/22/14:

The next few days the goal is to try to control and if not resolves as many issues as much possible while hopefully the white blood cells improve.

I hope the next update will be better news.

As I stated in the last post I would like to thank everyone for all the prayers and thoughts. They are very much appreciated.

John Michael

1/16/14

Just an update because everyone is asking:

Going to keep this short because I am not even in the same class of writing as Colleen.

Colleen was released from hospital on late Tuesday night but had to return Wednesday because of complications. After spending most of the day at Dana Farber she returned home to rest and try to heal. Even with all the complications such as extreme pain she continues to amaze me with upbeat and fighting attitude. Going back Friday to check all her levels etc.

I would like to thank everyone for the prayers and thoughts. They are very much appreciated.

John Michael

Admitted from 1/10 – 1/14

Admitted from 1/10 – 1/14

Got admitted mainly for open wounds and low counts. They gave platelets, blood and other medications. All Colleen’s levels went back to safe level except her white blood count and her kidney level which both hopefully will improve over time. She was released and scheduled to come back Friday 1/17/14.

1-7-13

My last appointment was this past Friday, January 3rd, my red blood cell count was down again so I received another two bags of blood. In additional to the blood, I received all of my normal pre-medications and the Alimpta (a lower dose than I've been receiving in the past). My biggest complaint following this treatment is the continued trouble that I've been having to breath, which is cancer related, not treatment related. I have to have my blood checked once a week to keep track of the red blood cells, platelets and kidney functions, if the results are low I will need to go into have them replenished.

UPCOMING APPTS:
1/8: blood work
1/15: blood work
1/24: treatment

12-31-13

Well I can only hope that 2014 begins better than 2013 ends. We went into DFCI on 12/20 for a scan, to meet meet with a palliative care doctor and to meet with the doctor who is replacing Dr. G while she is on maternity leave. The scan was stable, so I will remain on Alimpta but lower the dose again because I'm have so many side effects. The palliative care doctor spoke to us about lazering the nerve endings that connect to the liver, which should reduce the pain (this would last about two two to three months). My blood work came back with my platelet count of 8 (it should be a couple of hundred). My platelets being so low explain the tiredness, dizziness, bruising and bloody noses that I've been getting, so while we were there i was infused with platelets and my next chemo treatment was pushed back til January 3rd.

UPCOMING APPTS:
Fri. Jan. 3rd: Blood work & Infusion